An expanded idea for gun control

After having reported Andrea’s friend’s idea about Comcast’s customer service line, I myself had to venture into Verizon’s customer support services, for reasons I need not go into.

Oh, OK. I’ll go into them. Briefly, “My TV Plan,” which I signed up for after Spectrum raised its monthly rate once I was past the two-year “deal,” was missing some channels I consider vital for life. Or sub-life. Such as the day this past week when I tried to get a Senate hearing on C-Span and discovered I didn’t get C-Span. No C-Span? Nonsense. And no ESPN, just before the football season starts? W.T.F.

Plus, Verizon had thrust upon me a bunch of channels I never asked for and did not want for an additional $6.99 a month. Which, also, I didn’t want. Huh?

No no no.

So, over the past two days, I have spent around three hours “chatting” with Verizon help assistants “Darius,” “Euclid” (that was my favorite name but we lost each other at some point early on, I’m not sure why; maybe because I told him I liked his name?) and “Travis.”

As someone who believes no one should be able to buy guns, I submit Verizon for the Gun Purchaser’s Best Option. It’ll squelch their desires and spirits quicker than you can say…hours and hours and hours on chat lines.

Aside from the remarkable amount of time it took with all three “assistants” — and the full-screen notice I got when I was on with Darius that my time was running out and if I didn’t hit the “continue the chat” button, I’d be cut off so I hit the “continue the chat” button…and was cut off — I did appreciate how much a gun purchaser would appreciate the number of times Darius, Euclid and Travis separately responded to my answer with “Perfect.” I do love being called “perfect” when I manage to find a one-time code on my email account which I then copy into a chat window successfully. Why I needed these codes, I am not sure. All three guys had my account number, telephone number and name. Although when one of them asked for my name and telephone number, and I typed in my name and telephone number, he responded by thanking me (“perfect!”) and asking me for my name. Seemed a bit reiterative but I’m a fast typist so what the heck.

I fully realized how perfect Verizon would be for gun purchasers when, as I tried to get rid of that extra bunch of stupid channels AND their extra $6.99 per month fee (which Travis constantly referred to as an “option” and used the word “redeem” several times), Travis told me he needed to use my email to get the job done but Verizon was telling him my email was “invalid.” Did I have another email he could use?

I spent quite a lot of time trying to explain to him that since Verizon (1) billed me regularly using that email; (2) had informed me I was now getting a bunch of stupid channels I didn’t want and would be charged another $6.99 per month, using that email; and (3) he, Travis, himself had used that email to send me those one-time codes I’d need to proceed.

We went back and forth for a while. I got a bit sarcastic and his English devolved a bit. Eventually, I did give him the gmail account I never, ever use and he was very grateful. Time passed. He came back to say something was wrong with the gmail account and he’d run out of options to help me but Verizon itself would be contacting me via my email account to assure me those stupid unwanted channels would be canned, as would the extra $6.99 I was paying for them.

I didn’t ask which email account they’d use; I know which email account they’d use; the one they always use to contact me.

Without question, if gun regulation does indeed get acted upon and ATF, say, is handed the responsibility to administer the act and decides to out-source the gun purchasing mechanism, I strongly support the candidacy of Verizon for this important job.

Not to sneer at Comcast. I’m sure they do their best, too.

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