Anyone want an electric shoe polisher?

I’ve spent the better part of two hours checking out the polls and I need a break. So…

There is an electric shoe polisher in my floor’s throw-out area, which led me to the offer in the headline. Although if anyone says yes, I have no plans to drag the thing into my apartment and figure out how to send it to you.

So don’t.

But that vision of an electric shoe polisher caused me thoughts. Mostly, does anyone polish shoes anymore? Leading to: does anyone wear shoes that require polishing?

To keep this highly subjective — what else can I do? I’m not going to stand in my building’s lobby with a pad, making a record of everyone’s foot gear — I have checked my own closet and this is what I found: three pairs of leather shoes could accept a little polish, i.e., they’re smooth and sort of shiny, but would not tolerate being whacked around by huge electrically motivated brushes that look as if they belong in a car wash.

The rest of my shoes are textured and couldn’t be polished. All they need is to be dusted, probably more often than I dust, but hey. Sneakers? No polish needed. Merrell walking shoes? Woven and textured; the winter Merrells are suede. No polishing possible.

I do have a glorious pair of glittery silver sneakers but all they need is a wipe every now and then, before I click my heels and magic occurs.

So the bottom line is, no electric shoe polisher required.

Years ago, a shoe store salesperson told me not to bother buying colored shoe polish, in any case. Just use a dab of neutral shoe polish and one of those fuzzy shoe-cleaning clothes.

I haven’t used that polish in so long I’m sure it’s as hard as a neutral rock. Maybe I’ll go look at it now and toss it.

Maybe not.

That’s it.



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