Because you’ve blocked my Twitter account. And I don’t know why. Your suggested boilerplate explanations make no sense.
Boilerplate one: Maybe I’ve offended you and your Twitter rules in some way. But I haven’t. Really, truly. I barely ever use the work “fuck,” although plenty of other people use it and aren’t taken out and whipped. And I’ll swear on the Constitution I haven’t threatened anybody.
Boilerplate two: Maybe there have been a number of attempts to get into my account using the wrong password. That is, you think someone is trying to hack me. I’m flattered you think so but really I’m not that important. Nevertheless, since you prompted me to change my password, I did. Nothing changed from your side. You’re still keeping me out.
Boilerplate three: Maybe some malign figure has taken over my account and is tweeting in my name. If that’s true, I sure don’t know it because I can’t get into Twitter to read what some malign figure has been doing with my account. Anyway, if a malign figure is dancing in my account, why did you block me? Go block Malign Man and let me back in.
I filed an appeal and was gratified to get a response in my scam e-mail folder. You said you were looking into my problem and I’d hear from you at some point. I didn’t hear from you, so I filed another appeal. I heard from you: you said apparently my second appeal was the same as my first appeal so you were attaching it to my first appeal.
We could keep corresponding this way, I guess. I could keep on appealing and you could keep on attaching but I don’t know that it’s getting us anywhere.
I can’t even get into Twitter just to read my mishpocha’s tweets! This is hard cheese, Jack. Things are going wondrously crazy nowadays and the only way I can keep up with every incident, every nanosecond of crazy is by reading the tweets of people I follow.
Won’t you let me do only that? If I promise not to tweet myself until my appeal is finalized?
The pages and pages of Twitter guides informing me what I can do about this have not been helpful. Actually, since they offer false hope, they’re driving me nuts. Whenever I click on my Twitter icon, I get one endlessly repeated page on which you ask for my password which I give you. The next request is for my mobile phone number to which you will send me a verification code asserting I am who I am.
Problem: I barely use my (very dumb and simple) mobile and my hard line phone doesn’t do texts. So, yeah, a couple of times I’ve tried to insert my phone number, but a couple of times I get a “sorry, invalid number” message. When I do insert my mobile number, you break your promise: you don’t send me a verification code.
My problems with you are nibbling away at me. I feel disarmed, out of the loop. I am losing my self-confidence, losing my snark.
Okay, so that’s my message to Jack.
Dear Readers Of This Blog: any advice?