God told me I must wear a mask

Hmm. You must be thinking, “Why is this person who says she doesn’t have any god claiming that god is talking to her? Is she hallucinating? Has spending too much time on Twitter affected her brain?”

Yes. Sort of.

Because the “god” who brought me up to biblical snuff re masks is…@TheTweetOfGod! You know, god’s Twitter account, which I have copied and pasted frequently because this god’s pronouncements are so damn funny.

Since this piece of news involves the bible, let me again disclose my credentials as a biblical scholar. 

If you read that link, you’ll notice I never got further into the bible than Genesis 4:3-15. So when @TheTweetOfGod today advised me that the mask haters, who make weird claims about god and Jesus and whoever, are flat wrong, I paid attention. He attached to his tweet what he reported as Leviticus, so I took out my bible and read the portion of Leviticus (in what he described as the “new international” translation) he cited. Because, you know, I’ll question the facts presented by anyone, including @TheTweetOfGod. I’m fearless that way.

@TheTweetOfGod was absolutely right. Here’s what he announced in his tweet:

“God doesn’t want us to wear masks!” Wrong, assholes.

I bolded it, although it’s so bold it really didn’t need my help.

Then @TheTweetOfGod supplies the bible passages Leviticus 13:45-46. Here they are, in my old King James version:

45 And the leper in whom the plague is, his clothes shall be rent, and his head bare, and he shall put a covering upon his upper lip, and shall cry, Unclean, unclean.

You saw what I did there with the bolding. God apparently didn’t remember the nose which is odd, since he designed and created us. Did he just forget about the full range of breathing apertures he supplied?

Then it goes on:

46 All the days wherein the plague shall be in him he shall be defiled; he is unclean: he shall dwell alone; without the camp shall his habitation be.

I trust this will settle the matter. Yeah, right.

But the message is clear. God, god and @TheTweetOfGod all say the same thing. Mask-wearing where there is contagious disease is not only good; god mandates it.

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