“Grappling With a Drunk Zebra Is Not the Easiest Thing in the World”

So said John Huget, a brave Canadian who was forced to grapple with one in the early morning hours of May 31 after finding it in his living room. This zebra was able to grapple because it was actually a 24-year-old man who had been at a costume party and then, “confused and extraordinarily drunk,” blundered into the wrong duplex.

Edmonton is probably safe enough that people don’t always lock their front doors, but it’s still a good idea to do that just to keep mistakes like this from happening.

Mr. Huget said he was “genuinely concerned” upon finding someone wearing “sunglasses, a baseball cap and full-body zebra costume” standing in his living room at 1:30 in the morning, and who wouldn’t be?

But do continue, to read about how the zebra landed a drunken punch and peed on a tree and so you’ll fall down laughing.

Yeah, well. Isn’t that what zebras do? Ordinarily? Out in the wild? I mean the pee-on-a-tree part, not the sunglasses part. Although my dermatologist would tell zebras they’d be better off wearing ’em.