Walking the dog when the dog is a figment of one’s imagination

Walk your dog at least once every day.

Even if you don’t have a dog.

I obtained this antic bit of wisdom from my friend, Yola. Can’t remember if she read it somewhere or someone, maybe a doctor, told her this, but I do recall the essence of it: walking is excellent exercise.

Even without a dog, I walk at least a mile a day at a decent speed. But I found the notion of that imaginary dog quite enticing.

So, while I’m in our extended period of Indictment Watch, I’m working on what kind of imaginary dog I might have.

“Well,” I said to Yola, “my sister has always had Goldens and I love them, so…”

“Too big for a New York apartment,” said Yola.

I felt she might be right. Besides, Goldens shed, so why wouldn’t an imaginary one shed? All over my multi-colored but basically black couch. So…not a Golden.

Then I had a bright thought. Why not an imaginary Goldendoodle? I’ve seen a bunch of these fluffy balls of adorableness in the neighborhood. Almost every dog I see in our elevators is a Something-or-other-doodle. Some of them are Golden size but many are knee high. Apartment sized.

And they seem sprightly and energetic, which is good because, as I said, I walk fairly fast and do not want to be restrained by a small, slow imaginary dog. I’ve seen a bunch of those, too, with their partners creeping really slowly as the dog waddles over to a secure spot to fulfill the purpose of the walk.

Speaking of which, would I have to carry imaginary plastic bags for their imaginary poop?

Nah. So I’m back with the imaginary Goldendoodle who — I mean, he’s imaginary, right? — does not pee or poop. At least not while she’s on her walk with me.

It’s getting complicated. Where will I put his or her imaginary water and food bowls in my small kitchen?

Now I’m thinking about my imaginary dog’s name. Suggestions will be considered.

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