I’m fine-tuning my Club Fed recommendations

Since sentences have begun to pour down like water upon the heads of named MAGA crazies, I want to tag these violent felons and link them to specific Club Fed facilities where I feel they’d be treated appropriately.

Today, I fixed on this dude, Jordan Hall, who pled guilty to threatening to kill Eric Swalwell.

U.S. Attorney [Southern District] Damian Williams said: “Joshua Hall made terrifying threats to the staff of a United States Congressman whom he disliked rather than attempting to effect change through any of the freedoms of expression that all Americans enjoy. These threats of violence endanger our public officials and thwart common decency, which is why this Office will continue to prosecute crimes like those committed by Joshua Hall.”

And mail fraud, to which Hall also pled guilty. He’s been a very busy boy. So where should we send him? Let me search.

(Time passes as I search.)

I’m back. I was somewhat intrigued by Leavenworth (the name resonates, doesn’t it?), but felt that Hall’s offenses should ship him nowhere near where any of his family or friends could easily visit. Since Hall comes from PA (and made some of his threatening calls from Yonkers, NY), let’s put him away on the other side of the country.

This is Atwater, a high-security facility in California. Do not be put off by the elegant austerity of the front entrance. There is nothing much to do around Atwater except…prison. The nearest anything on the map is the Merced County Regional Waste; somewhat further away is something called Cen Cal Escape Rooms. I’m not spending time learning what they are; I’m sure you’ll have fun finding out. (OK, I broke down and Googled them. They seem to be a “team” activity of some sort. I’m not going further.)

One odd thing: the prison is in the middle of a large square created by a road that travels all around the prison. The road is called Gamma Avenue. Wherever you look on the map, it’s Gamma Ave. I don’t know why. Wasn’t there a play, The Effect of Gamma Rays on Man-in-the-Moon Marigolds? Yes, there was, and it won a Pulitzer.

Hey, wanna peer into the living quarters at Atwater? Jordan Hall will be awakened at 5:45 am and will have to make his bed, and make it look like this:

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