These rather bewildering events come to us from Harper’s Weekly Review, of course:<\/p>\n
In Ecuador, police dogs found over six tons of cocaine in a banana shipment; in Fargo, North Dakota, an angry man uprooted his neighbor\u2019s strawberry plants over a property line dispute; and in Guyana, a man known as the \u201cGrape Boss\u201d claimed that he lost millions of dollars worth of grapes after cows invaded his vineyard and destroyed his vines.<\/em><\/p>\n I have some questions, especially about the cocaine-banana business.<\/p>\n Where was the cocaine — and that’s a lot of cocaine — in the shipment? Or was the cocaine tucked into the bananas? I mean, if you peeled a banana was the coke packed around the fruit? Or was it blended in with the bananas as a kind of pep drink smoothie? In which case, I suppose a straw could be sticking out of the top of the banana.<\/p>\n Although, how did they suck the banana pulp out of the peel in order to mix in the cock? And then, what? They used the reverse method to squeeze it back into the peel?<\/p>\n And what is the Grape Boss of Guyana going to call himself now, sans<\/em> all those grapes? Grapeless?<\/p>\n I have nothing whatsoever to say about any denizen of the Dakotas and similar states. You’re there because you deserve it.<\/p>\n I’m really exhausted today after a full Sunday’s worth of Olympics so maybe I’m going to absurd extents to work out the banana-cocaine thing, but my physical tension watching our women’s gymnastic team doing impossible things not entirely perfectly…well, I don’t know how they’re<\/em> feeling but I’m wiped.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":" These rather bewildering events come to us from Harper’s Weekly Review, of course: In Ecuador, police dogs found over six tons of cocaine in a banana shipment; in Fargo, North Dakota, an angry man uprooted his neighbor\u2019s strawberry plants over … Continue reading