The Findings are always factual. Harper’s even provides cites for them, just in case you can’t believe or understand what they’re telling you. It isn’t that the Findings are getting weirder. They’ve always been weird. Maybe it’s my attitude toward what’s going on in this world right now that makes them feel ultra-ultra peculiar. And relevant.<\/p>\n
I suppose that was a caveat, so read what follows at the risk of bombarding your brain cells and making you even more nuts than I expect you are. Already. Like me. Here goes:<\/p>\n
Coyotes in dense areas of Chicago die younger if the average human income is high.<\/em><\/p>\n Every phrase in the above finding is mind-bending. Coyotes in dense areas? Of Chicago? They die younger in wealthy neighborhoods? How did anyone figure this out?<\/p>\n =<\/p>\n Fifty-two experts were consulted to produce a six-criteria test for predicting vasectomy regret.<\/em><\/p>\n I wonder whether these experts (why not call them The Fifty-Two?) are working for HHS. If so, I’m sure Musk or Kennedy hasn’t fired these valuable, uh, scientists.<\/p>\n =<\/p>\n Americans with college degrees are more than twice as likely as high school graduates to have recently used ketamine, which induces zebra fish to keep going rather than give up when they aren’t getting anywhere.<\/em><\/p>\n Ah, ketamine. A drug much in the news lately and not because of the zebra fish. Or college degrees. And I must inject pervitin into this factual finding, since it was given to the soldiers of the Third Reich, with similiar results to those zebra fish.<\/a><\/p>\n =<\/p>\n Decision-making power in the mission to transport Mars’s rocks to Earth devolved to Donald Trump.<\/em><\/p>\n Wait, I thought Elon was working on going to<\/em> and setting up<\/em> a colony on Mars. What’s with bringing the Mars’s rocks here? (I do appreciate the world “devolved” when attached to Trump.)<\/p>\n =<\/p>\n Archaeologists speculated that, in the largest known Bronze Age massacre in Britain, attackers killed, butchered, and ate women, women, and children as a political statement.<\/em><\/p>\n No comment. Vomiting.<\/p>\n \n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":" The Findings are always factual. Harper’s even provides cites for them, just in case you can’t believe or understand what they’re telling you. It isn’t that the Findings are getting weirder. They’ve always been weird. Maybe it’s my attitude toward … Continue reading