Oh. So you don’t see why Botox and the RNC should be in the same sentence?
I’m here to explain.
I’ve reported to you that I’ve been getting multiple calls, ID’d as “SPAM-RISK,” every day,and, having listened to the robo-messages, determined the calls are coming from the Republican National Committee.
The calls have increased in number. They don’t bother me. But it does concern me in an absurdist sort of way that the RNC is spending time and money repeatedly calling (is this harassment?) me, a New Yorker who has never, in our new world of social networks, offered the slightest indication I may be changing my life-long attitudes toward the purposes of democratic governance.
The only way I can explain these frantic calls is by suggesting the MAGA RNC is disintegrating.
And now — thanks to social media — I have causation: too much Botox.
Thanks to a social medium I spend time on, TAFKAT,* I’ve accidentally glimpsed little videos of Lara Trump, new hostess with the mostes’** of Trump’s FNC, yammering about unheard campaign money matters (unheard, because I don’t turn on the sound). And OMG, the Botox! Her face is a two-dimensional cartoon. Although her eyes are very made up and fully open (I suspect she can’t blink) and her mouth (has she been puffing up her lips with whatever they puff up lips with?) does move, not one other segment of that face is mobile.
Indeed, she looks exactly like other faces of other women, Fox hostesses, I’ve also seen on TAFKAT.
They all look exactly alike. I imagine they all go to the upholstered den of the same aesthetician (is that what they’re called?), where they all gather in a kaffee klatch in the waiting room, admiring each other’s immobilities.
Isn’t Botox poison? Remember, it’s an adorbs nickname for botulism toxin. And I’m wondering whether too much Botox can drive the brain beneath the face crazy. So let’s investigate the properties of botulism toxin.
(I’ve been listening to and reading the SCOTUS discussion on Trump’s immunity and am thunderstruck that certain justices are of this moment too lazy to invest their weird, bizarrely simplistic political “thoughts” with pretentious tangled language, just to sound like they’re intelligent. So I’d rather investigate Botox. Really…)
What does the World Health Organization say about botulism toxins? This:
- Clostridium botulinum is a bacterium that produces dangerous toxins (botulinum toxins) under low-oxygen conditions.
- Botulinum toxins are one of the most lethal substances known.
- Botulinum toxins block nerve functions and can lead to respiratory and muscular paralysis.
There’s more but this is enough to realize — I mean, “one of the most lethal substances known”!? — one’s brain shouldn’t be located anywhere near a syringe filled with a lethal substance that can paralyze nerves and muscles.
♦
I’ve gotta confess: this “too much Botox” thing was drawn from Kevin Hart’s hilariously funny TV ad for FanDuel, is it? In which retired NFL quarterback, Ryan Fitzpatrick (btw a Harvard grad), describes using FanDuel as “Magic! Fitz magic!” and Hart — I fall off my chair laughing every single time I see this — says, “Too much magic. Too much magic.”
Anyhow, that’s my too much Botox theory about why MAGA and its RNC have gone crazy and will soon defenestrate. All of ’em. In one action. After which I’ll probably still be getting the SPAM-RISK phone calls.
*Paul Krugman’s brilliant acronym, The App Formerly Known As Twitter.
** Irving Berlin
P.S. I’m labeling this post’s category as “Consumer Boycott.” For the Botox. You get it. I mean, don’t. Don’t get Botox.