Out of the greatness of their hearts and minds…

CEOs of some of the largest and richest corporations in the universe have, in a roundtable (did anyone measure the circumference? Must have been one BIG table), come to the radically innovative conclusion that…

Their whole purpose in their corporate lives will no longer be…

Increasing their profits for their shareholders.

Nope. It’s a typhoon sweeping through and cleansing the boardrooms.

Breaking with decades of long-held corporate orthodoxy, the group said businesses should no longer advance only the interests of shareholders. Instead, companies must also invest in their employees, protect the environment and deal fairly and ethically with their suppliers.

“While each of our individual companies serves its own corporate purpose, we share a fundamental commitment to all of our stakeholders,” the group said in a statement. “We commit to deliver value to all of them, for the future success of our companies, our communities and our country.”

Investment in employees! Protecting the environment! Ethics!!

And patriotism.


Considering that Jamie Dimon (JP Morgan Chase) was one of the group, I must ask him: Jamie, did this change of heart have anything at all to do with that time a few months ago when you appeared before a House Committee and Katie Porter minced you up into bits that would liquify in a dispose-all?

Oh, I loved it so much, let’s do that again…

On top of Katie Porter, could this have anything to do with Elizabeth Warren’s campaign, in which she has been clear to say that corporations are amoral? Does it have anything to do with her plans to increase taxes, regulations, et cetera, et cetera and so forth?

Are these big time corporate leaders, um, afraid of Elizabeth Warren and Katie Porter?

Or maybe they’re afraid of Jamie Gamble’s manifesto, which stated that in his experience corporate dynamics are sociopathic?

One way or another, one reason or another, American corporations are suggesting changes in their policies — changes they would only make in fear that our next federal government will make them legislatively, and make them far more stringent.

Bravo, government!

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