The Great Toilet Paper and Chopped Liver Panic of 2020

Lately I’ve been contemplating what I consider vital needs. Things I can’t live without. Safe shelter, electricity in that safe shelter, water. And, yes, toilet paper — although a good friend of mine is abjuring toilet paper in favor of a sort of primitive bidet she put together out of a spray bottle and a towel. (I didn’t delve into this further.)

But chopped liver is not a vital need, especially for people like me with imperfect cholesterol levels.

Yet Zabar’s, maven of chopped liver, is saying there are shortages and when there are shortages, their customers get “very, very cranky.”

I visited Zabar’s a few days ago. I did not notice panic and cranky? When has Zabar’s not had cranky customers? It’s sort of a feature of the place, like the rude waiters at Ratner’s, the erstwhile Lower East Side dairy restaurant. (More on Ratner’s, because anything written about it tends to be very funny and why shouldn’t you laugh today?)

As you can see, I’m working really hard to keep you all up to date on COVID-19 survival tactics. So as soon as I get my brother-in-law’s fantastic recipe for vegetarian chopped liver, I’ll pass it along.

 

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More animal news: meet the tegu. Uh-oh

They’ve invaded Georgia. That’s our southern state, not the Russian state. They’re quite attractive, I think. I’ve never heard of them before this.

They are….the Argentine black and white tegus! (That’s plural of “tegu,” which is singular.)

They are lizards. They eat everything. They love eggs:

Add it to the list of terrors of the natural world — including murder hornets and feral hogs — that have been disrupting life these days: The Argentine black and white tegu, an invasive lizard species from South America, has taken root in Georgia, where it poses a threat to native wildlife, according to state officials.

“We are trying to remove them from the wild because they can have negative impacts on our native species,” John Jensen, a biologist with the Georgia Department of Natural Resources, said in a recent video while holding one of the lizards. “They eat just about anything they want.”

Eggs are one of the tegu’s favorite foods, and it’s not picky about which kind, whether alligator, quail, turkey or gopher tortoise (Georgia’s official reptile).

Tegus, which can grow up to four feet long and weigh 10 pounds or more, also eat fruits, vegetables, plants, pet food and insects. The Georgia Department of Natural Resources said that Florida, which has been dealing with tegus for more than a decade, “is not aware of any predatory attacks on pets in that state.”

Love the delicacy of that “not aware of any predatory attacks on pets in that state.”

Oh yeah? Just wait.

 

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Animal news! Boa constrictor in Bronx

This is on the front page of today’s Daily News

It is a boa constrictor in the hands of a masked and wide-eyed NYC PD emergency service person, who… well, read the headline in the second shot below. (It’s actually one long shot which I couldn’t copy whole so I had to do it in two parts. BTW, the snake itself is whole. )

The first line in the article is:

“It was a 911 coil they’ll never forget.”

I love my Daily News.

P.S. The snake was one of two left behind when the previous apartment dwellers moved out.

P.P.S. How do you forget to pack two snakes when you depart?

P.P.P.S. The second snake is bigger than this one. It still has not been found.

P.P.P.P.S. I’m thinking tomorrow’s Daily News front page will address the situation in P.P.P.S.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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