Revelations: A new religion. Called Onionhead, yes lord!

Really you’ve got to read this, from the Daily News’s John Marzulli. It’s all about, oh you thought maybe a specialty restaurant? No, no, no. It is about a business, however, and an employee-initiated lawsuit against that business and I think you’re going to be SO happy you don’t work there.

Here’s how “Lord onion rings: L.I. firm forced wacky religion on workers – feds” begins (but brace yourselves firmly on the couch lest you collapse in hilarity, roll off and bang your [onion]heads):

These Onionheads were a bunch of knuckleheads.

The feds are suing a Long Island company that employees say they were forced to leave because they refused to participate in religious rites in the workplace called Onionhead — which included praying, thanking God for their jobs, and saying “I love you” to management and co-workers — a lawsuit charges.

Three former employees complained to the U.S. Equal Employment Opportunity Commission, and federal investigators confirmed that United Health Programs of America in Syosset and its parent company, Cost Containment Group, had discriminated against them based on religion.

“Defendants have required employees to engage in practices pursuant to a belief system called ‘Harnessing Happiness,’ or more commonly, ‘Onionhead,’” EEOC lawyer Sunu Chandy said in the complaint.

“Onionhead related religious practices … have included praying, reading spiritual texts, discussing personal matters with colleagues and management, burning candles, and keeping dim lighting in the workplace,” asserts the suit, filed Wednesday in Long Island Federal Court.

The name of the “leader” is…Denali. She seems to have a last name, too. It is Jordan. And there is a website, too, just in case you’re shopping for a new thing to worship, “to lead a peaceful and successful life.”

Here is what David Sutton, the lawyer representing United Health Programs of America (and if this company is not a branch of United Health, United Health better get in here and disavow Onionheadism, or whatever, and do it really quickly) said about the lawsuit: “The EEOC lawsuit is completely devoid of merit and we expect that it will be summarily dismissed.”

I would call that statement irrational optimism, Mr. Sutton. Brace yourself. And pray. P.S. Just my fairly educated opinion, but your leader sounds mentally ill.

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