Smart Car owners: please read this

Dear SmartCar people,

I’ve come to the conclusion it is your responsibility — no, your duty — to have license plates which give me delight.

Your cars are utterly adorable. Your license plates must affirm the adorability. They can’t just sit splat on your cute rear ends.

Two license plates on Smart Cars inspired me to lay down this law:

The first is a black-and-white car but painted in an eye-catching, swoopy sort of way. The license plate explains the coloration. It is BABY ORCA. I’m madly in love with this car and its plate.

The second Smart Car’s license reads: O I FIT.

You see what I mean, don’t you? What’s the point of having a car that draws my warm attention if you’re going to label it X856Fwhatever?

I do appreciate the disadvantages of having an appropriately darling license plate. Custom plates cost more than a bunch of random numbers and letters, don’t they?

But not a lot more.

The most compelling disadvantage — as was explained to me years ago — is: a custom plate is memorable. That is, if you commit some vile traffic offense and try to hide, it’s more likely some witness will remember BABY ORCA fleeing the scene than X856Fwhatever.

But hey, you’re Smart Car owners. Smart. No way you’ll commit a traffic offense or flee from the scene. Indeed, your Smart Car looks like it couldn’t do any real damage even if you grazed another car.

Which reminds me of a time years ago when my brother was driving a Volks. He was stopped at a light when he saw a little kid, probably on his first two-wheel bike ride, wobbling up the street right at him.

“Uh-oh,” he said to himself.

The kid hit his car with the bike. The kid was OK; the car was seriously damaged.

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