And the Case of the Unruly Squirrel.
In the first case, the German police arrested the squirrel. Yes–I mean ja.
And there’s a video:
An “aggressive” squirrel has been arrested by German police officers after a woman complained it was stalking her.
Police in North Rhine-Westphalia received the bizarre emergency call on Wednesday from a woman who claimed the rodent was chasing her.
The woman, from Bottrop, tried to give the pursuant rodent the slip but eventually rang the police out of desperation.
The second matter concerns one English squirrel and one English pub:
Squirrel breaks into pub, gets drunk and causes hundreds of pounds worth of damage.
When Sam Boulter, the secretary of Honeybourne Railway Club, came in the next morning, he thought that there had been a burglary and was about to call the cops, when he discovered the real culprit.
The floor was covered in broken bottles of beer, and he stated that the place had been “totally ransacked”, but when a squirrel staggered out from behind a box of crisps, he realised who was the guilty party.
I should not be printing these items–and I thank Why Evolution Is True (and we all had better begin to contemplate evolution in the context of what the hell is going on with these squirrels?)–because strictly speaking they are of criminal concern, but hey. It’s Saturday, things are loose, so…