The god problem: “Acrylic matzoh box — never used (price $5)”

It is at times like these — this one happens to entwine Easter with Pesach, coming upon us in a couple of weeks, and then there’s Ramadan which began yesterday…

You might think I took such a detour from what I wanted to tell you, I’d never get back to the main road. Not so. Main road:

My very large cooperative residential building has a digital bulletin board on which residents can post notices about all sorts of things, and can offer for sale things they no longer use. Or, more often, offer for free — from which I gather the market for items like used exercise equipment and old coffee tables is weak.

Sometimes services are offered, such as cat sitting or computer technology. Sometimes requests for recommendations appear on the bulletin board such as…cat sitting.

But the bulletin post represented fully in the title up there ⇑ has shaken me to my core. It reminds me of the abject state of my Jewish soul and affiliated smarts. I know nothing about acrylic matzoh boxes. Are they an important element in the Passover, a/k/a Pesach, ritual?

What I know about matzoh boxes is, they are the cardboard packages in which you buy matzoh. I seriously mean you buy matzoh; I don’t. To me matzoh is tasteless, unless you schmear a lot of butter on it which kind of flattens the reason they supposedly exist: fast prep for instant exodus, i.e., eating on the run. (Virtually all I know about Passover I learned from The Ten Commandments. Not the actual ones; I didn’t read the Book but saw the movie.)

This acrylic business has me mystified. Did Moses develop acrylic when he was hanging out on the mountain (I imagine he lived in a cave) while Our People crossed the Jordan River into the promised land — which he wasn’t allowed to do for reasons involving, I think, that time he threw the tablets down and broke them and god — a major strongman of the time, very punitive — punished Moses, etc., etc., etc?

So Moses had time not only to compose the Pentateuch but to figure out acrylic, probably while he was snacking on matzohs.

That’s all I’ve got. It’s far too much.