The Great Toilet Paper and Chopped Liver Panic of 2020

Lately I’ve been contemplating what I consider vital needs. Things I can’t live without. Safe shelter, electricity in that safe shelter, water. And, yes, toilet paper — although a good friend of mine is abjuring toilet paper in favor of a sort of primitive bidet she put together out of a spray bottle and a towel. (I didn’t delve into this further.)

But chopped liver is not a vital need, especially for people like me with imperfect cholesterol levels.

Yet Zabar’s, maven of chopped liver, is saying there are shortages and when there are shortages, their customers get “very, very cranky.”

I visited Zabar’s a few days ago. I did not notice panic and cranky? When has Zabar’s not had cranky customers? It’s sort of a feature of the place, like the rude waiters at Ratner’s, the erstwhile Lower East Side dairy restaurant. (More on Ratner’s, because anything written about it tends to be very funny and why shouldn’t you laugh today?)

As you can see, I’m working really hard to keep you all up to date on COVID-19 survival tactics. So as soon as I get my brother-in-law’s fantastic recipe for vegetarian chopped liver, I’ll pass it along.


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