Animal? Well, yeah, cicadas are animals. If you’ve ever been hanging around during a cicada plague, you’ll know some of them are as large as Big Bird.

I made that up. But I don’t regret it.

So what do you make of the following Finding from the September 2019 Harper’s?

Scientists advised against consuming hypersexual zombie cicadas infected with psychoactive fungus.

You know, I think I’m just going to blow that up and bold it:

Scientists advised against consuming hypersexual zombie cicadas infected with psychoactive fungus.

Here’s me, screaming: HYPERSEXUAL ZOMBIE CICADAS???? Never mind what is a psychoactive fungus??????????

WHO CONSUMES ZOMBIE CICADAS??? WHO CONSUMES CICADAS?????

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAARGHHHHH.

P.S. I’ve calmed down a little, to the point I’m able to ask whether a psychoactive fungus has anything to do with magic mushrooms?