Weird findings about monkeys and their relations

From Harper’s April 2022 Findings:

A pharmacologically administered liver enzyme was found to halve ethanol consumption among alcoholic vervet monkeys, macaques in Virginia failed to wean themselves off heroin and cocaine, and a new population of whitehanded gibbons was discovered in Malaysia.

So. Why are those gibbons whitehanded? Anything to do with the macaques in Virginia?

…[S]cientists described the cognitive repulsion mechanism that causes people to get lost in supermarkets.

Which reminds me I have to get to Fairway today, before Day Two of the NFL Draft begins.*

Finnish hospital admissions reflect lower mortality rates and less self-harm and alcoholism in areas with high numbers of heavy metal bands per capita.

Although Finland wins the Happiest Country Award every year, I think this is a depressing finding. Couldn’t it have been folk-rock groups, like from A Mighty Wind?

*Maybe because I typed this thing about getting lost in supermarkets but I forgot where Fairway had its pasta. And had to ask. And felt like a fool.

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