Who on earth will be giving these thousands of incompetents, liars and dysfunctionaries jobs after the Four Year Horror is over? We are facing yet another rise in unemployment numbers when every Trumpist is fired.
Oh, I’m not really worried about them. I’m just playing at being worried because it’s vicious fun. Even the Koch Machine and its coterie of “libertarian” mega-billionaires will balk, I bet, at supplying salaries to people who have “Trump Administration” on their résumés. Idiots who were useful to the Get Government Out Of My Life bunch are no longer useful when their government roles disappear.
Several of these doofuses might even create small businesses writing C.V.s for their colleagues, finding some way of evading even mentioning Trump. Except I don’t perceive any of them to be creative and smart enough.
So let me help them out. Some ideas for covering that gap of years from 2016 to 2021:
- Returned to school to finish my high school degree but then the pandemic came and…
- Was diagnosed as having a remarkable range of immunities to things and spent time finding a scientific program to which I could donate my bodily liquids. But then the pandemic came and…
- Traveled through the United States to gain a thorough education in something as a sort of unofficial sabbatical from other stuff. But then the pandemic came and…
- Was working undercover for an agency I can’t name. Classified. Even the name I’ve used on this C.V. is not my real name. My whole existence is classified. Including the pandemic.
- Completed a memoir about the first two years of my life which involved intense research and many interviews with people who did not know me as a toddler until the pandemic came and most of these people got sick. Of me, true, but still.
- Made an independent study of chaos theory. And strings, too. Which I’m working at applying to the pandemic.
- Was infected with COVID-19 before anybody else. Even before COVID-19. And I’ve been ill from January 2017 through today. But now I’m feeling better.
- Wrote articles for an online journal which doesn’t seem to be anywhere now. All my articles disappeared. Devastated. Deplorable. Disgrace. And now the pandemic is here.
- Worked as a mole in the Trump administration and yesterday turned over my encrypted notes to my roommate. Who is my pet raccoon named Rebecca. Rebecca and me, we’re looking for a book deal, as soon as she de-encrypts my notes. Meanwhile, I’m in the kitchen scrambling eggs. And the pandemic.
Enough of that. But feel free to help these unemployable people out with more filler ideas for their C.V.s. Call it compassionate conservatism. Or satire.