From Harper’s Weekly Review:
A Florida priest received more than $500,000 in fines for feeding the homeless; a man in Toronto stole 91 tubs of ghee; hundreds of pounds of unrequested French-onion dip arrived at restaurants across Philadelphia; and a woman in Iowa was charged with an aggravated misdemeanor, among other charges, after delivering a family-size pan of lasagna laced with drugs to a pregnant woman in an attempt to induce a miscarriage. A man in Chicago announced his plans to introduce 29 new varieties of tomatoes to the city by the end of the year. “Those tasteless travesties in supermarkets are not tomatoes,” said the man. “They’re red water balloons, and people should taste a real tomato.”
The last item about tomatoes is absolutely correct.