The June 22, 2026 New Yorker has a marvel of an article by Ben Taub entitled, “Allies On Ice: How the secret plans to take over Greenland have ruptured transatlantic relations.”
That lede is the serious journalistic description of Taub’s occasionally funny and always bizarre tour de force — which you must read to see a remarkable moving picture of real people living a real life (Greenlanders), and a collection of dimwitted weirdo nobodies working the absurd fantasyworld of Trumpery, which operates in such detachment from the real world, it could be in another article entirely.
Taub lays out his terrific story in a sort of split screen effect, toggling between Greenland’s people, who fortunately have a dry sense of humor to go along with their sanity –“…Greenlanders had started wearing red caps with white text that read ‘Make America Go Away'” — and the other, fractured world, with no sense of humor and, in fact, no sense at all.
To wit (or not to wit, is the question):
The founder of Bikers for Trump, a semi-self-appointed Trump envoy, was in Nuuk handing out flyers. Here are some things he has said:
“We are not looking at you like a tiger looks at a gazelle,” said to an elderly Inuit man.
“Without knowing it, a lot of the Greenlanders are living in the Stone Age.”
“I’m receiving a lot of death threats as a result of my work here in Greenland…People are looking at me like I’m a Russian with a machine gun right now, when they see the Trump patch…”
“Unfortunately, the natives, the Inuits and the Greenlanders, in my opinion, are suffering something we call…in America, Stockholm syndrome.”
∀
Here is something Trump has said re his antipathy toward NATO: “…all began with, if you want to know the truth, Greenland. We want Greenland. They don’t want to give it to us, and I said, ‘Bye-bye.'”
Here’s Trump, looking at a map: “Why don’t we have that? I love maps. And I always said, ‘Look at the size of this. It’s massive. That should be part of the United States.'” Taub follows this with a paren: “(Because Greenland is so far north, it appears more than ten times larger on a Mercator projection than it does on a globe.)”
Here’s former DHS chief of staff, Miles Taylor: “Not only did [Trump] want to purchase Greenland, he actually said he wanted to see if we could sell Puerto Rico…Could we swap Puerto Rico for Greenland? Because, in his words, Puerto Rico was dirty and the people were poor.”
Here’s what a Danish government official wrote on Twitter: “Are parts of the US for sale? Alaska?”
Here’s what Mette Frederiksen, the Danish prime minister, said: “‘Thankfully, the time where you buy and sell other countries and populations is over…Greenland belongs to Greenland. I strongly hope that this is not meant seriously.’ The prospect of a sale, Frederiksen said, was ‘absurd.'”
Here’s Trump, in response: “I thought that the Prime Minister’s statement that it was absurd–that it was an absurd idea–was nasty…You don’t talk to the United States that way.”
∀
Guess who shows up in Nuuk on a flash visit? The late Charlie Kirk, before he became “late.” He had some enthusiastic things to say, like, “There’s polar bears that walk around Nuuk.” Taub follows with a parenthesis: “(There are no polar bears walking around Nuuk.)” Kirk, repeating what he said a young boy told him: “‘The Danes don’t let us mine our rubies, our gold, our lithium, or our gas.'” Taub, in paren: “(Greenland has total autonomy and ownership over its natural resources.)”
A Greenland high-school student remarked, “‘Charlie Kirk said that there were a hundred people waiting for him at the airport with MAGA hats on…I have seen pictures from the airport. There were three.'”
∀
The Russians weighed in via their state TV: “‘Trump is declaring his claims to Greenland. Why shouldn’t we look at Greenland? We need Greenland! This is not a joke. We absolutely need it!…'” And the best way forward is “‘…to reach an agreement with Trump, and divide Greenland into a couple of parts.'”
∀
Even before Trump’s inauguration, GOP lawmakers jumped in, introducing a bill to “authorize the acquisition of Greenland. ‘We are, quite frankly, the dominant predator…the liberal crazies are crying, and the righteous Republicans are rejoicing.'” That little hurrah came from Tennessee congressman Andy Ogles. [Andy Ogles was just defeated in his primary; he will not be hurrah-ing in Congress next year.]
∀
There is a lot more ridiculous misadventurism involving a shady couple of “investors” without licenses or permits, who were clandestine Greenland visitors, a/k/a spies, during Trump’s first term. One, named Horn, was a former Special Forces commander. They are now, Musk-like, revving up their intentions to mine Greenland. Or not. Maybe they’ll build a huge data center.
Rachel Maddow has recently reported that a mystery barge has without a permit dumped heaps of shipping containers on a remote Greenland shore. So, too, reports the New York Times — although it may not be rare minerals they’re going after but the not-so-rare substance called oil. And it involves Dr. Phil! Didn’t you just need to know that?
I mean.
Toward the end of Ben Taub’s article, there is this incident, when Jeff Landry, Trump’s “special envoy to Greenland,” came to Nuuk:
Upon his arrival, [Landry] shared with reporters his instructions from the President: ‘He said, “Go over there and make a bunch of friends…”‘
For the next three days, Landry wandered around Nuuk…and tried to hand out MAGA hats. “If you come to Louisiana and you come to the governor’s mansion? All the chocolate-chip cookies you could eat,” he told a group of boys. Another boy apparently asked if Landry was famous.
“I don’t know if he’s famous, but he’s the governor of Louisiana,” Landry’s wife, Sharon, said.
“Do you want to take a picture?” Landry asked.
“No,” the boy replied.
