Oh that Kevin Underhill and his Lowering the Bar blog! Just when you thought it was safe to forget about turkey, he produces this: Good Reason to Kill #52: Started Thanksgiving Early, and #53: Ate All the Leftovers – Lowering the Bar
Here’s the, um, appetizer:
More than the turkey got carved in one household on Thanksgiving, according to multiple reports (thanks, everyone).
According to The Smoking Gun, for example, a 45-year-old gentleman in Wilkes-Barre, Pennsylvania, made the mistake of starting Thanksgiving dinner early this year, or at least he started eating in his girlfriend’s absence. She was in the house at the time, but was “reportedly intoxicated and had gone upstairs to sleep.” It’s not clear how long he waited for her, if at all, before digging in, but it wasn’t long enough. When she realized he had started without her, she grabbed a knife and started chasing him around the dinner table, and after several missed attempts she finally stabbed him in the chest.
She then concluded the performance—and it’s a little surprising you don’t see this more often at Thanksgiving—by throwing the knife at him. Although she hit him in the face, she must have hit him with the non-pointy end because no wound to the face was reported. He was treated for a non-life-threatening stab wound at a local hospital.