From the latest edition of Harper’s Weekly Report:
A man from Mexico City was killed when a crocodile attacked him at a beach near a luxury resort in Puerto Vallarta, Mexico, and dragged him out to sea; and a man from North Fort Myers, Florida, survived an alligator attack after jabbing the reptile in the eye with his fishing pole.
Wait, so the croc grabbed him off the beach? Oh my, this might cause travel reviewers to remove a couple of the deluxe resort’s stars. Or maybe this could be offered as a perk, like, automatic entry into an episode of “Survivor.”
And the alligator story doesn’t make clear whether the alligator grabbed the guy because the guy stuck his pole into the gator’s eye — that’d make the gator mad, I’d think, or the other way around: the guy escaped the alligator attack by sticking his pole into the alligator’s eye. (Am I spending too much time on this?)
[A]n animal-rights collective completed its twenty-third week of anti–foie gras protests outside of a restaurant in Chicago. “I want to be very clear here,” said one of the protest’s organizers, whose chants of “You’ve got blood on your hands!” have been confused for pro-Palestine slogans, “this has nothing to do with the Israeli-Palestine conflict. This has to do with foie gras.”
No, Organizer. Everything has to do with the Israeli-Palestine conflict.
[I]n Oban, Scotland, a man was arrested after assaulting someone with a seagull.
Was the seagull a willing accomplice or a hostage?
Scientists unveiled an underwater diving suit designed for cyborg cockroaches; a swarm of millions of Mormon crickets descended across the state of Idaho.
Are these insect events related? More relevant: what is a cyborg cockroach and why does it need an underwater diving suit?* Does the cricket swarm mean the price of potatoes is about to go through the roof?
[A] British Premier League soccer team donated more than 40 pairs of game-worn socks to a group of horses and donkeys who would wear them as protection from the bites of flies.
Have you ever watched flies biting horses? The feet are not the target. Oh, maybe the socks will be pulled over the horses’s and donkeys’ ears.
In Tasmania, local officials urged the public to respect the privacy of an over-one-ton elephant seal named Neil that is known for a history of property damage. “Neil’s fame is a bit of a double-edged sword,” said a spokesperson for Tasmania’s Department of Natural Resources and Environment. “There is a risk here of essentially loving him to death.”
*I addressed my cockroach question to Perplexity. The answer is so weird I won’t repeat it, lest you come to believe I’m a lunatic. However, given the answer, let me throw out another question: what is the purpose of creating cyborg cockroaches and sending them underwater in tiny diving suits? That one, I’m not asking Perplexity; I’m asking you.