UPDATE: THIS IS A SPOOF, OR WHATEVER YOU CALL THINGS LIKE THIS!!!! IT IS NOT MY SPOOF, I.E., I DIDN’T WRITE IT. I DON’T THINK IT’S GOOD SATIRE. GOOD SATIRE IS SO CLOSE TO THE TRUTH, A READER WITHOUT A SENSE OF HUMOR COULD BELIEVE IT’S FACTUAL. SO I’M CROSSING THIS OUT.
I don’t know. Not exactly. Occasionally I’ve wondered what, under Trump’s rule, is being performed at the Center since I’ve heard a lot of acts have been de-booking themselves. Or being de-booked for being too woke or something. And the ones that have been booked haven’t been selling well. At all. Like, the Trumpian Center has only been filling 47 percent of the seats, which pre-Trump, were 90 percent or so filled.
So what has been booked this year and isn’t filling the seats?
This has to be satire. Has to be. I’ve just copied this year’s performance list and will now paste it in so you, too, can be…stunned into open-mouthed silence.
Brace yourselves. No, really. Sit down in a chair with arms and hold on. Tight. Do not eat or drink while reading what follows. It’s [sic], anyway you spell it.
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April 3: Vocal group Up with Goebbels -
April 4-5: 3-D Ghost-Gun Show -
April 6-7: Musical Workshop “Sing! Sing! Sing!” -
May 11-13: Gay-Conversion Band Camp -
May 15: Ted Nugent solo reunion (one night only) -
May 18-22: All-Nordic rendition of “The Wiz” -
June 3-7: ICE Capades focusing on amusing law enforcement footage -
June 17 – July 3: “Shen Yun” performance with waived ticket fees -
July 4: All-American Fourth of July Musical Tribute -
July 5: Roseanne performs Sondheim (tentative) -
August 19-24: New play “Dsday Cowboy” featuring Sylvester Stallone and Jon Voight -
September 8-10: Three days of Shakespeare performances including a tentative Mel Gibson-led “Merchant of Venice” -
October 6-8: Mark Russell via Hologram -
November 7-8: Starlink-related event -
December 19-20: Kanye Raps Wagner
I didn’t make that up. Really I didn’t. But just in case this is a joke, (“Up With Goebbels”???) I asked Perplexity if Mel Gibson was in “The Merchant of Venice,” and this is what Perplexity tells me:
Yes, Mel Gibson stars in “The Merchant of Venice” at the JFK Center (Kennedy Center). The production is noted as an all-Aramaic, Shylock-free version of the play and is described as “a performance for the ages” starring Mel Gibson as Shylock.
OK, maybe Perplexity has a resident satirist who provided the above answer to my question. Because: I don’t believe Shakespeare wrote anything in Aramaic, although I didn’t know him personally so maybe I’m wrong. And if it’s a “Shylock-free version” (by itself a brain-warping notion), how could Mel Gibson star as a non-existent Shylock?
I’m going to post this now and will be leaving it instantly because I find the possibility of this and Kanye West rapping Wagner more than my brain wants to absorb.